Our culture is inducing our brains to have an overly developed default mode network in our neural physiology. The default mode network is used for remembering, day dreaming, etc. This is where we tell ourselves stories about ourselves, about how we fit in, it’s also called the narrative network.

We also have a direct experience network, when we’re engaged in a specific task (gardening, intimate conversation, meditation).

What our kids need the most is for us to be present, compassionate and kind, through our direct experience network, that’s how their nervous systems feel love and connection; we pick up on attention and body language; we’re always co-regulating with everyone around us and our children’s nervous systems are co-regulating with ours.

We’ll often sacrifice our own care as parents to take care of our children. Whereas if we cultivate a practice of unconditional love of self and others. We can better show up for our kids. If we as parents become regulated when our children are disregulated, we can hold space for our kids to regulate. Meditation is an effective practice to help us create space to hold this type of space.

Stress is an unhealthy relationship with time. Self-care and gratitude lists are important. But healing comes from our ability to turn towards our own pain and suffering, and love it unconditionally. To heal, is to make whole.

In British Columbia, bcalm.ca covers MSP group medical visits that help folks on how they relate to stress, using meditation and mindfulness to bypass the flight-flight-or-freeze in the present moment, so we can respond instead of react.

A mindfulness practice: 5-4-3-2-1. Remember to pause, this is the most important part of mindfulness. Take a couple deep breaths. Soften the jaw and the face. Use our senses to come into presence, look around and notice 5 things that you see (texture, colour, shape) not the stories or judgements, just pause and notice. Invite your eyes to close. Notice 4 physical sensations in the body (clothes against skin, temperature of the air, ..). Notice 3 sounds. Notice 2 distinct smells that are present. Notice 1 taste that’s present.